To My Eyes, Ears, and Mouth....

Dont want to be so angry dont want to keep so quiet now its open fire and i cant move 
dont want to be so careful dont care enough to mind dont know 
leave me with no head room 
to climb back down 
im just waiting for a land slid 
made up my mine to make me whole again 
take up 
your time when im alone 

dont want to be so anxious 
dont care to stand in line 
i like bein in an open fire 
as you watch me burn down 
and wait along the waste side 
made up my mind to make me whole again 
take up your time when im alone 

Dont want to let you down 
dont care to bring this up again 
in my defense it doesnt make since 
why you even come around 
then over and over you lay around 
and watch me go back down before my storm 
made up my mind to make me whole again 
take up your time (I Ammmmmmmmmmm) 
to make me whole again 
take up your time when im a lone

Day Six & Seven: The Days of Stepping Forward

Change is hard. Change is needed. I am stubborn. These are all so very true. Working forward from knowing about change and actually making it is two very different things. And that is what Im trying to do.
    I have have always been a person that has someone by her side. I haven't had a chance in a very long time to experience what change is just for myself without anybody else involved. Its weird to think that I am going to be okay, because that nervous knot in my stomach really would like to convince me Im wrong.
          I have been working forward on trying to embrace this change by allowing myself to feel whatever I need to feel, whenever it happens. I guess I really believe that everything happens for a reason, and if things are meant to work out the way you want them, they will if they're supposed to be. This is the thought that is keeping me moving on, keeping me smiling, and keeping me constantly hoping.
        I am going to figure things out, I just need to take them one step at a time.

To My Eyes, Ears, and Mouth....

I don't wanna be the one to say goodbye
But I will, I will, I will
I don't wanna sit on the pavement while you fly
But I will, I will, oh yes I will

'Cause maybe in the future, you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back around
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back

Oh, the only way to really know is to really let it go
Maybe you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back to me

I don't wanna be the first to let it go
But I know, I know, I know
If you have the last hands that I want to hold
Then I know I've got to let them go

'Cause maybe in the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back around
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back

Oh, the only way to really know is to really let it go
Maybe you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back

I still feel you on the right side of the bed
And I still feel you in the blankets pulled over my head
But I'm gonna wash away, oh I'm gonna wash away
Everything till you come home to me

Maybe in the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back
In the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back

Maybe in the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back around
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back

Oh, the only way to really know is to really let it go
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back around
Maybe in the future you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back

Oh, the only way to really know is to really let it go
Maybe you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back
You're gonna come back to me, you're gonna come back to me
You're gonna come back to me 

Day Four & Five: The Days Of Realization

I just got back from our annual Connolly Family camping trip and it was amazing. It was full of memories that I know are going to last me a life time. Full of laughs that filled my heart, and full of life that enhanced mine.
             This time this camping trip was not just for fun, but for therapy.  I realized a lot about myself by looking at my family. I realized that I have so many faucets of my character that are amazing, and strange. I realized that I most of the time know that I want, but I am so unsure at the same time. I also realized strangely while sitting around the campfire drinking tea, that i proceed in life almost the same way I drink tea.
          Most of the time, i pour my tea. Figure out what type of tea I want. Let it brew the same way I do my relationships. Then I wait, and wait, and wait. I test the water with my finger and after a while I finally decide to drink it. By that point I am in love with the tea, I never want it to go empty or cold, but of course it does, because its tea. I realized I have to test the water before even putting my lips to the rim of the cup, because I am so afraid of getting burned. Im so afraid, yet I know that I will recover.
       I realized that I am so afraid of so many things because I know that they might hurt. But I guess its okay to be hurt a little bit, its okay to recover, and its okay to learn from that burn. It will make me a stronger woman from it.
    So now I am home and on to my next learning experience that may come my way. I am excited to learn how to cope on my own, how to truly value my own emotions, wants, and wishes. I am excited to learn how to make a friendship thrive and grow despite awkward struggles that might come about. Im excited about change for the first time in my life.... yet scared shitless.... but thats okay.