To my Eyes, Ears, and Mouth....

I think I'm gonna stay home
Have myself a home life
Sitting in the slow-mo
And listening to the daylight
I am not a nomad
I am not a rocket man
I was born a house cat
By the slight of my mother's hand

I think I'm gonna stay home

I want to live in the center of a circle
I want to live on the side of a square
I used to be in my M-Z now
You'll never find me cause my name isn't there

Home life
Been holding out for a home life
My whole life

I want to see the end game
I want to learn her last name
Finish on a Friday
And sit in traffic on the highway
See, I refuse to believe
That my life's gonna be
Just some string of incompletes
Never to lead me to anything remotely close to home life

Been holding out for a home life
My whole life

I can tell you this much
I will marry just once
And if it doesn't work out
Give her half of my stuff
It's fine with me
We said eternity
And I will go to my grave
With the life that I gave
Not just some melody line
On a radio wave
It dissipates
And soon evaporates
But home life doesn't change

I want to live in the center of a circle
I want to live on the side of a square
I'd love to walk to where we can both talk but
I've got to leave you cause my ride is here

Home life
You keep the home life
You take the home life
I'll come back for the home life
I promise

Day Three: The Day of Familarity

Today has begun just as normally as it has every time I have come home. I woke up way earlier than I would have liked due to the sun rising in through my window and the sounds of the rooster screeching good morning to the world. I then enjoyed an amazing bowl of fruit all picked from our property and a warm cup of coffee made with love and extra cinnamon from my mom
From that point I made the first step in improvement by getting a haircut. There's always something about new haircuts that just seem to set you off to a fresh start. I guess I love those beautiful changes that make you feel beautiful.
        Now Im in anticipation to go camping with my family. There really is nothing better then having a wonderful family surrounding you. I mean yes... they may drive you crazy, even most of the time... but still there is something about the endless love and comfort that just makes it all worth it to me.
            Im excited to lose myself in the windy drive on the way up. Lose myself in a good book sitting by a campfire. Find myself in the long hikes we take. And love myself while laughing so hard that my cheeks start to hurt. Im just excited I think for this change of pace.
     Well I guess im off to start packing and to get away...be back sunday :) I cant wait.

To My Eyes, Ears, and Mouth....

I could tell by the tone of your voice 
That this isn't working out 
I can tell by the look in your eyes 
You've made up your mind you haven't got a doubt 

I remember when I first saw you 
I remember the way I felt 
And you're breaking me to pieces 
And I don't know how I deal with this, but I fight 
Learned, anything at all it was to 
Always be true to yourself and I know this isn't the end of this 
I will fall 

Have you ever watched the shadows 
fly across the midnight sky? 
I always used to watch the sunset 
But it seems that I haven't got the time anymore 
But if I learned anything at all it was to 
Always be true to yourself and I see what I can do now 
I'm gonna try 

I've been thinking for days (for days) 
I've been sleepless for nights (for nights) 
But it all came to me 
Driving home crying my eyes out 

And if I learned anything at all it was to 
never give in 
cause I see all my dreams laid out in front of me 
And for once, it doesn't seem so tough 
no it doesn't seem so tough

Day Two: The Day Of Changes and Comfort

So here I am actually making it to ay two of my blog. I never actually thought that I would make it two days in a row. Today is a strange day to write about being so good and yet not at the same time. Today started out crazy, but thanks to the AMAZING Luke  I made it to the airport on time, despite the getting lost twice and stopping for gas along the way. Basiclly i had an adventure before it even turned 8:30 am.
              When I finally made it to the airport I was greeted by security telling me due to my enourmous amount of bobby pins in my hair that I would either have to take them out or recieve a pat down. I decided to take the what i thought was the quickest route and take the pat down with courage. I made it though no problem with about 5 minutes to spare before my plane left without me.
         One hour and 15 minutes later I arrived in sunny san diego and faced my reality of what my life is. And I was surprised by what I found, I was okay. I was happy and I got to spend the day with a wonderful man, and my best friend. I realized that my fear was for nothing. I was okay, he was okay, and we were okay. Of course I am still fearful of what the future will bring me but I know that I will have a good friend along the way, and that really cares despite the struggles we are about to go through.
       One another note it is so wonderful to be home in a place so familiar and welcoming. I forgot how much I missed the smell of the ocean, the crazy traffic, the roar from the padres game, and the howls of coyotes coming from outside my window.
I am starting to realize its not only other people that define your life, but its also yourself who defines it. Im starting to see the beauty in this breakdown, and I think it will be okay.

To My Eyes, Ears, and Mouth....

If melody is my destiny 
Then what's left of me 
I'll give to you 

If next to me 
Is all that you need to be 
Would you settle for fantasy 
If it's the best you could do 

Can I have my cake? 
Can I have you too? 
Would you follow me? 
Could I ask you to? 

Would the world between us 
break these ties 
We've work so hard to realize 
Can a postcard say 
What I see in your eyes? 
Could I ever break away? 

Would I be satisfied 
and find peace inside 
Rolling half my life 
over broken white lines 

Can I have my cake? 
Can I have you too? 
Would you follow me? 
Could I ask you to? 

Will I wake up one morning 
and see your face 
and streaks on the window 
that the rainstorm makes 
Could you bear all the weight 
and the strength that it takes 
could I ever break away 

Can I have my cake? 
Can I have you too? 
Would you follow me? 
Could I ask you to? 

Would the world between us 
break these ties 
We've work so hard to realize 
Can a postcard say 
What I see in your eyes? 
Could I ever break away?

Day one: The Beginning of it all

Im not sure how much I will write, how much I will read, and how much I will care about this blog in a week or two. But I am going to make the attempt to use this as a dedication to myself and to help me see how beautiful, painful, and wonderful my life really is. I need to figure out who I am and what I want out of life... and i guess just to throw myself out there. Currently I am in a strange place in my life. I am at a point in which the people around me are changing their minds and life, and therefore changing my own life. I am at a point in which I am going to have to get by more on my own and learn how to be comfortable in my own skin. I am at a point of no return. I am at the point where Im terrified of the future... and this has never happened before.
       I am supposed to head down to my hometown of San Diego tomorrow and face the thing that is changing it all... my relationship. Im not very good with big changes, even if they really do need to happen.  I am a person that likes a plan and stability and when that gets blown out of the water I cry, throw up, don't sleep, and over think everything. Now its time for me to start embracing this change in my life and learn to see the beauty in this breakdown. I hope I can find it soon.